Q-crew rebrand, pt. 2

Qanon's core brand attributes are that it's exclusive and that it's an echo chamber. Which main-character should they swap in for Trump now that he's been voted out of office? Let's take a look.

Qanon’s at an inflection point. Donald Trump, the globular hero of the conspiracy’s brand story was recently voted out of office. Consequently, the Qanon brand story and brand purpose risk obsolescence. 

Faced with long odds, the Q-crew can either call it quits and accept that the Satan-powered pedophiles have defeated Trump, or regroup to find a new character to channel their keyboard juju. Qanon adherents are all lost in a way, but there’s a lot of daylight between being lost enough to join a cult and accepting losing circumstances.

Do Jehovah’s Witnesses stop going door to door because it’s cold out? Do Scientologists stop aspiring to ascend from OT III to OT IV because they’ve encountered suppressive persons

Between the forked paths of admitting defeat and moving forward, we know which path Qanon will choose, let’s now explore how they can collectively drag their knuckles down it. 

If you build it, they will Qome

The Qanon brand story hinged on a heroic, outsider underdog – Trump alone against a shadow underbelly of Satan worshippers. This framing characterized the group as willing to use unconventional tactics to get the job done and allowed them to find strength in solidarity. It’s a major part of what drives its participants – Trump is alone and needs their help.

As they transition from Trump, the key is to find a character who can maintain the appeal above. This won’t be easy with the current crop of Republican politicians. Unlike Trump, most well-known Republicans such as Ted Cruz, Lindsey Graham, and Brett Kavanaugh would be considered D.C. insiders. Of the congressional reps who do subscribe, the most notable is probably Marjorie Taylor Greene, from Georgia. Despite her success in getting elected, she lacks the national notoriety of Trump.

To push its momentum forward, Qanon needs a protagonist who is as indifferent to conspiracies support as Trump—remember, he referred to Q as simply people ‘that love our country’—and is also a heroic outsider.

The Case for Chris

Chris Pratt. There are few industries with conspiratorial underpinnings and darker shadows than those of Hollywood. Who better to shine a virtuous light to send the pedophilia cockroaches scuttling than someone who operates amongst them?

Prior to his presidency, Trump’s politics were difficult to discern: he donated to Dems as recently as 2010, but claimed Obama wasn’t a US citizen. Pratt could also be characterized as politically tough to nail down, saying in a 2017 Men’s Fitness interview:

"I don't feel represented by either side. I really feel there's common ground out there that's missed because we focus on the things that separate us."

The lovable hunk also has a proclivity for fringe activities like Jews for Jesus and participation in ‘The Daniel Fast’. Jews for Jesus proselytizes to Jews, and believes Jesus is the son of god. Conversely, Judaism sees him as a false prophet. I’m not a theologian, but believing Jesus is the son of god sounds a lot like Christianity.

According to its website, The Daniel Fast is a 21-day-long diet of water, fruits, and vegetables, whose purpose is to draw it’s dieters ‘nearer to god’. Between this and Jews for Jesus, Pratt may not have jumped in the cult pool, but he’s certainly dipped his toesies in.

In having no political aspirations, Pratt’s time as Qanon’s central character wouldn’t have the built-in expiration date that Trump’s does as president. You can’t lose political power if you never had it in the first place.

New main character – who dis?

With Pratt plugged in and Trump slowly fading, the narrative can be reoriented. As it’s an effective antagonist, the cabal should remain, but rather than fight it with the full force of the US government, Pratt’s star appeal and gigantic social media platform will be used to draw in allies and ferret out the baddies.

The abstract of the forthcoming iteration of the narrative should be as follows:

After spending time as a Hollywood insider, Pratt awakened to the puppet masters behind the curtains and their insidious deeds. Inspired by the work of Donald Trump and knowing that the cabal had summoned the fullest extent of its powers to have him removed from office, Pratt felt ordained to lead the movement’s charge. Now, he’s working from within Hollywood to root out pedophiles and enlist other megastars like Gwyneth Paltrow, Lil’ Nas X, and Tom Brady to join the fight.

Plus, think of all the bonkers conspiracy theories that could be transposed onto Pratt’s upcoming Marvel features. Guardians of the Galaxy, his major box-office vehicle, is chock full of crannies upon which to spread sweet conspiratorial butter. In Guardians, Pratt’s character’s decision to forgo his supernatural powers in favor of remaining a human could easily be seen as an allegory for Pratt turning his back on Hollywood’s hidden cabal in order to bring them to justice.

Phase 2 begins…

Swapping in Pratt for Trump allows Qanon’s central brand attributes to remain intact: exclusivity, and the feel-good vibes that come from being part of an echo chamber. With Pratt installed, the group now has added flexibility from the lack of term limits or loss of an election. Qanon’s purpose can remain the same, but via Pratt’s Hollywood bona fides, they’ll draw a wider audience and open themselves up to enlisting other powerful combatants.

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Song of the week: ‘Una Vez’ by Ruben Ramos. Qanon can get you bogged down in a lot of dreck. Let this song lift you up and out.


For a banana-land video about Jesus standing in line at a concentration camp, produced by Jews For Jesus, click below. I had to watch it over the course of researching this, so should you: This Jew Died for You.